Conquering Fear

Fear is a very ugly emotion but then we have already been taught that, haven’t we? What makes fear special however is that it is the root cause of everything negative, the chief cause of failure. Fear keeps us from trying out new things, fear keeps us from being who we are, fear transforms the winners into losers. Fear of losing, fear of performance, fear of being ridiculed, feat has so many faces but just one result. Fear is the root cause of all failures. And we attribute failure to a million other reasons, the lack of hard work, the lack of intelligence etc. Fortune favours the brave and we have to arrive at a state of the mind which is not just conducive to winning but also which is brave and without any trace of fear.

Sachin had been in the same company for over ten years now. They would maul him, trample all over him and punish him but he would still be seen sitting in the same place and writing code. All these years he had never appeared for an interview. When asked, he would say, “I have never done good work in my career. Who would want to hire me? I am happy here. At least I have a job.” All it took was a bit jolt. He wasn’t promoted. And then Sachin just went out and had 3 offers in a single day. He joined a multinational bank that was so impressed by his programming skills that they offered him three times his current package. Fear of failure.

Amisha is a very talented dancer. She dances not because it is a hobby but because her life is dancing and she feels alive every time she puts on her dancing shoes. “I am not gonna make it. It was the worst dance of my life.” This was Amisha after her first audition. She was so sure about losing out that she had completely forgotten about how well she had danced. After pacifying her for the better part of the hour, I was able to convince her that winning wasn’t everything, participating was what mattered. But the best was yet to come. She told me the next day that she had made it through the auditions. And so much for her crying the whole day when she thought she would never make it. Fear of performance.

Amit never dressed up for work. He was sure he was the ugliest guy around simply because he was losing hair. Did it really matter? He would crib to me every day at work until one day, I had to force him to go shopping and buy some smart clothes. The result? He had a rose lying on his desk the next day. Women were congratulating him about his new look and very soon he had a date. Fear of ridicule.

I am not a psychiatrist but everyday people come to me with their day to day issues and when I talk to them, I realise how much similar all their problems are. Every single problem is rooted in fear. If someone can think he can lose nothing in the world can stop him from losing. If someone can think the entire world is ready to make fun of her, nothing in the world can stop her from making a fool of herself. So how do we manage to fall into this fear trap. We try so desperately to be afraid of everything.

Fear is a very natural emotion, just as love and hate. It is as much a part of our emotional psyche as love. If we can fall in love, we have to be afraid. But conquering fear is a task which separated the winners from the losers. I usually draw up scenes from movies to encourage people to grow over their fears. Movies are easier for people to relate to and the story lines make up for superb examples.

The Batman way:

Bruce Wayne had to get over his inherent fear of bats before he could be the hero of Gotham. And the best way of doing it.....He faced his fears. He made himself his fear. The very persona of a bat. Embracing fear is one of the most difficult ways of overcoming it but then it is also the most efficient. Once you learn to live with your fear, there can be no way of losing. For Sachin, it was extremely difficult way out but also the most efficient.

Morpheus shows the way:

Remember the scene in The Matrix where Morpheus teaches Neo how to fight? “You have to believe Neo” he says. That is another way to overcoming fear. You have to believe in yourselves. Fear has a fantastic chance of winning when we are not on our guard. What it really takes is not just facing the fear but believing in one’s own self and having the faith. Amit could get over his troubles because he learnt to believe in himself.

The Guru preaches:

I love Heather Graham but not solely because she is a fabulous beauty but also because she taught me something very important. In a scene from The Guru, she tells Jimmy Mistry that we fail because of our fear of performance. Amisha had to get over this fear, the fear of performance to get her to win over her biggest competition, herself.

Fear can be overcome in multiple ways but it has to be overcome. Else it leaves the best of us, wondering about what went wrong and why we could not even get near competition. Fear is best left alone and never to have company. Fear never has any winners for company, because, fortune it seems favours the brave.